Red Bottom Fiasco
by ForeverImmature
Summary: Set after "startled by his furry shorts..." Robbie has just returned and Masimo has just asked Gee out. Has she accidentally landed herself with two boyfriends? What about Dave The L? Hmmmm... Rated T for references lol. Read and REVIEWW plEasE
1. Confuzzled

**Hi!! I'm new to fanfics on this story. I didn't know you could do them!! I've just finished "stop in the name of pants!" and it is (obviously) full of coolosity and marviness. But I started this story a while ago, after I read "startled by his furry shorts..." so I decided to continue it! The updates may be a little delayed, because I'm also working on a Twilight fanfic. But I shall update as fast as I can... as long as I get reviewwws!! -puppy eyes- This is set just after Robbie has come back from kiwi-a-gogo and Masimo asked Gee out.  
**

**Red Bottom Fiasco **

**Saturday**** July 17****th**

**12:00**** p.m**

I cannot bring myself to talk about the awful trouble my redbottomosity has got me into. So I am not going to mention it at all.

**2 minutes later**

In fact, I will never state the names Masimo or Robbie ever again.

**5 seconds later  
**

Nor shall I refer to people called the lurrrrve God, or the Sex God/ ex-Sex God.

Who are basically the same people.

Ommmmmmmmm

**12:06 p.m**

I am lying in my bed of confusinosity. Wondering 'why, why, why?!'

I have to speak to someone! I'd call RoRo or Jazzy, but I have too much pridenosity. And all this is stupid Jas' stupid fault anyway.

**3 seconds later**

And when I tried calling them earlier, RoRo was out with Sven (her mad, massive foreign boyfriend who comes from Svenland) and Jas was on a RAMBLE with her slug-kissing boyfriend.

Why does everyone have a proper boyfriend except me? I am going to grow up a mad misunderstood wreck (which wouldn't change much) with possible lezzie tendencies. Or I might join the church. Although I don't know if I believe in God, after all this!

**30 seconds later**

OhmygiddyGodspyjamas! I am a nervous wreck. I need a healthy, nutritious breakfast.

**12:08pm**

**In the kitchen**

Chocolate pop tarts and strawberry milk. Yummy scrumboes.

**12:10 p.m**

**In the living room**

"Oh, goodness Georgia! You look like you have just come out of a hedge, backwards!" Mutti says. She and Vati laugh stupidly. How sad and _pathetico_ they are.

Normally, I would have snottily told them about the effects they have on my self-esteem, but today I cannot be bothered. That is right, I do not care. I could look like a hairy, yellow lurker and I wouldn't mind. That is how bad my life has got.

Vati is in a vest and boxer shorts (a sight for sore eyes) and has his head resting on Mum's nunga-nungas! It is so gross! Libby is in the nuddy pants (apart from a large silver pan on her head) and is running at me.

"HEGGO GINGEY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOOOOOO YOOOOOU!!"

My dear, darling… bonkers sister Liberty is going through a phase where every day is Mutti, Vati, or my birthday, its vair vair annoying.

She is pulling the pan off and grinning her evil little smile… I know that look…

QUICK!

**Running**

I am now high tailing it back to my room, while she scampers along behind me.

NO! _She will not get me!_

**12:30 p.m**

**In my (crowded) room**

I am sitting on my bed with a few… how do I put it? Unwanted visitors.

Scuba-diving Barbie, Charlie horse, Pantalizer, Panda Punk, a piece of old carrot, our statue of lord Jesus Christ (A.K.A Sandra - how Bibs got him down from the top of my wardrobe I shall never know), Mrs Muddy Potato and more yucky things that Libby "lobes". Most of them strange, and all of them smelly.

Angus and cross-eyed Gordy are here too, and my sister has managed to get old party hats on them!

**12:36 p.m**

LET ME OUT, LET ME OUT AND LET ME OUT! I must meditate on my problem with THE LURRRRVE GOD AND THE EX-SEX GOD ON MY OWN!!

"Now Bibsy baby, today is NOT my birthday! it's Mutti's honey, you just got the wrong day! Now go downstairs with all your friends and say happy birthday to Mummy!"

I am pleading, on the brink of madness and bonkerosity.

Libby is looking freakishly happy:

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Ok Gingey, I will go see Mummeeeee!"

YES!

"Darling that's right, good girl. Pack up all of your lovely chums." I say.

Bibsy is gathering up all her beloved toys. Thank God.

**Ten seconds later.**

Ohhhh no! Angus is not making any effort to move. I wonder whether she'll be able to herd HIM out of my room.

**12:45 p.m**

No, Angus is not moving and if Angus doesn't go, there will be no hope of me ever getting some peace and quiet.

It works like this:

ANGUS NOT MOVING EQUALS GORDY NOT MOVING

GORDY/ANGUS NOT MOVING EQUALS LIBBY NOT MOVING

LIBBY NOT MOVING EQUALS LIBBY'S 'FWENDS' NOT MOVING.

ALL OF THIS EQUALS ME GOING BALLISTICIUMS

Shut up, brain! Shut up!

**12:46**

**On my own! (at last) **

Kitty problem has been resolved.

With a marv strike of genius, I hooked my foot around Angus and kicked, hard. So hard my foot hurt!

Angus went flying off the bed and landed lightly on the floor. For a full minute he glared at me with his crazy eyes, before spitting at me and then running out of the room. Yowling very loudly. But I know it didn't hurt him. Nothing can hurt supercat!

And just like that, Gordy ran after him, biffing me with his tail as he went. Then Libby looked into my eyes and spat at me too! Then she ran out on her hands and knees, biffing her 'fwends' along in front of her with her chin.

FEW!

Now I can just relax and tone and melt into my bed.

**12:47 p.m**

Fat chance of that happening in a million years, someone's at the door!

Mutti and Vati are too mildly deaf with Libby's new version of 'Happy Birthday' to hear it.

So, I suppose I have to drag myself out of my nice… comfy… warm… bed of confusinosity to answer it.

Should I?

**20 seconds later**

Nah, I can't be bothered going down all those stairs. I am in too much confusinosity pain. I'll just peek out the window, and see who it is.

**Ten to 1**

OhmyGodohmyGodohmyGodohmyGodohmyGodohmyGodohmyGodohmyGodohmygiddyGodspyjamas!! NOOOOOO! This can't be happening! Oh God oh God oh-!

Wait? When did I start believing in God again?

Oh well! OHGODOHGODOHGODOHGOD!

I am going to dare another peak, in case this is a dream…

**Love it? Hate it? PLEASE rEViEw if you want me to carry on. xoxoox**


	2. Someone's at the door

**Hey! This is tres late… Sowwiieee… I've been away.**

**I wrote this chap MONTHS a go, but I've been editing it!! I know not many people are reading, but I'm gonna carry on anyway!! It is tres fun!! Dave will be popping up soon! Promise! Xoxo**

**20 seconds later**

NO! No this is not a dream!

Quick!! Moisturise, foundation, tone, lippy, gloss, and mascara.

YES! I don't look like I'm trying too hard! Just enough… Just another coat of mascara. Ok. Mirror check..

**3 seconds later**

NO! My head looks like a hedgehog with its spikes up! Gel! Gel! Where's my gel?

**12 seconds later**

Oh… there it is, fluffy hair fluffy hair.

**2 minutes later**

OK

Jeans ON!

Red top ON!

Sandals? YES! NO!

Trainers? Yes trainers.

**1 minute later**

Mirror check… it'll do.

**Running downstairs**

He's probably gone already. I took soooo long. Gahhhhhh!!

**1:00 p.m **

Calm. Calmey calm calm. Swallow.

Ok I am outside the front door now…

**5 seconds later**

"_Ciao _Georgia."

OhmygiddyGodsjimjams. It's the luuuurve God I have promised never to speak of again. WOW he is SO lushy lush lush! Mmmm! Yummy scrumboes with knobs!

Say something cool mouth!! Brain, don't let me down!

"Hi."

Yes, perfection on a plate! I said 'Hi' to the luuuurve God! Just the right amount of casualosity with just a hint of promise.

"It is good to see you." WOW! He thought it was good to see me!

"Urm… you too."

Breathe!

"What happened the other night?"

Ah, the other night, the dark, strange night of mysteriousity and CONFUSINOSITY!!

**Flashback – in my brain –**

when The lurrrrve God turned up with a 10 and a half ex-girlfriend full of beautositty, called Gina! When Wet Lindsay had strolled… angrily off home on her stick legs, struggling to keep her no-forheadness under control.

When the lurrrrve God took me outside and asked me out, followed by Mrs Froggy Big Knickers (a.k.a Jas) and her boyfriend Tom, grinning like loons on loon tablets as, THE EX-SEX GOD stepped out of the car that had just arrived. THE EX-SEX GOD who was told to have been in Kiwi-a-gogo land, the Sex God, The ex-Sex God! Before I had managed to scream:

"Yes, Yes, YES! I will be yours Masimo! For now and forever, now come and snog me you great big Italian, sexy loon!"

Then the world turned to total confusinosity and Chaosasitty, well, at least my brain did. There, stood the ex-Sex God, looking absolutely fandabidozy in blue jeans and a dark top. Behind me, stood a confused yet gorgey Italian Mouth who always looks no, LOOKED fabuluso.

Through the window I could see Dave the Laugh chatting to some girl and making her blush (why I just wrote that I do not know 'coz he has nothing to do with it.) And a not-so-gorgey Jas looking like a total loon as usual. I nearly fainted. I went bright red and gasped for oxygen.

I had a face that strongly resembled a fish out of water, which I do not think was attractive to anyone, besides fish! I gabbled something at the lurrrrve God. I meant to say:

"I have to go now, I'll call you."

But I think it came out: "Sing. Bye. Sexy. Fish."

Then I dashed inside. The ex-sex God looked confused and came after me.

"Hi Georgia, how are you?" He asked in his the ex-Sex God groovy voice.

"I am OK, how are you?" I managed to bite out between great lungfuls of air.

"OK, it is good to see you. New Zealand was great, I met all these cool people and-"

That's when Dave the Laugh came over. Possibly tosave me from wombat anecdotes. He is my knight in jeans... blue denim jeans... groovy blue denim jeans...

"Hey Robbie man, still grooving?"

Then they started chatting about New Zealand , well, the ex-Sex God did. I think Dave the L. was just pretending to look interested.

Then the lurrrrve God came wondering in looking tres confused:

"Hi. Georgia? Do you need a ride home?" He asked, looking pointedly at me.

"uh… no… thanks… I'll go on the… the…" I struggled to think of something to say. Could I say 'boat'? Nope. There were no rivers nearby.

"You can come with me, I brought my car." Said the ex-Sex God, who was suddenly pinged out of Wombat World.

"Uh… It's ok… I… I… I need to go right now." I said, before making my bid for freedom.

Dave the L looked pityingly at me, before quickly trying to get the ex-Sex God back into a conversation.

Both boys looked confuzzled. I walked as quickly as I could – whilst trying to avoid looking like an orang-utan in a tiny skirt – to the tart's wardrobe.

I found Rosie, sitting on the sink, doing heavy tongues with Sven (who's never cared about gender separated bathrooms). She managed to separate her mouth from Sven's so she could say:

"Hey Gee, what's happened? You've gone all pale."

I was pleased; I'd never been able to pull off the pale look before.

Then Jas appeared out of a cubicle, she must have come in when I went inside with The Boys.

"No, she hasn't - it's just the light from where you're sitting. She's bright red. Tomato red."

"Oh! Thanks a lot Jas!" I half yelled at my so-called Bestie. Before banging open a cubicle door and barricading myself in. IT WASN'T FAIR!

Between huge sobs I heard Sven say:

"Oh ja! Oh ja! Ze little prince iz falling?!"

I never know what he is talking about.

I heard Jas say:

"What does he mean?"

"How should I know?" Rosie asked. I could hear her getting out her beard and pipe, sensing that her wisdomosity was needed.

"Oh." Jas said simply.

Then I heard Rosie squealing.

"No Sven, NO! I do _not_ want to show you my knickers right now, go outside you bad boy!"

I heard Sven whimper and back out of the bathroom like she'd slapped him. But I knew he would be grooving on the dance floor in two minutes. Sure enough, I heard him give a great whoop outside the door, and loud heels scurrying away.

I continued blubbing in a blubbing way.

"What's up, Gee?" Rosie asked, her voice full of concern.

"JAS." I replied from behind the door.

"What have I done?" Jas exclaimed, no doubt fiddling with her stupid fringe.

"You brought the ex-Sex God to the party!" I wailed.

"The ex-Sex God? Oh, you mean Robbie? Yeah I did. I thought you'd be pleased." The imbecile of Jazzy said.

"Pleased? PLEASED? How could I be PLEASED? Masimo's just asked me out and now I have to make a decision pronto!!" I said, storming back out of the cubicle to one of the mirrors. Jas was right, I did look just like a tomato.

"Oops. I see." Said RoRo. "I'm sure Jas didn't mean to, did you Jas?"

"She fancies Masimo herself!" I lied stupidly, wanting anything to make Jas look bad.

"Uhm… no I don't. I have a boyfriend." Jas said.

"Yeah. One who snogs slugs and looks like a prat." I said.

"Stop fighting both of you." Rosie said. "We need to figure out what to do about Gee's problem."

Jas sighed. "But I want to go see Robbie. He has some very interesting pictures of wombats." She said dreamily.

"Shut up about your stupid wombats Jas!" I screamed.

Jas sighed melodramatically and stormed out of the room. Leaving me alone with Rosie, who made sympathetic noises as I wiped my eyes and took deep cleansing breaths.

"I'm just going to sneak out." I said, running some water through my flat hair. "Maybe they will not notice me."

Rosie scratched her beard in what she thought was a thoughtful and mysterious way, but she just looked like a fool in furry shorts.

Which, in fact she was.

"But what if they do?" She asked.

I groaned and exhaled loudly.

"Go outside and subtly check where all the guys are. Remember, be full of casualosity."

RoRo nodded her head, before leaving me alone in the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror. Had I accidentally got myself two boyfriends? A sex God AND a lurrrve God? It simply couldn't be.

After RoRo had done a circuit, she came back and told me that Masimo was back on stage, doing an encore. Robbie was talking to Tom and Jas by the door (doubtless about wombats) and Dave the L had gone back to talking to the same girl.

"Why do you think I care what Dave the so-called Laugh is doing?" I snapped at Rosie, as I applied another coat of lipgloss and splashed my face with cold water (not in that order obviously, because the lippie would rub off)

Rosie just looked at me.

"So do you think I have a chance of escaping?"

"Hmmmm… I guess so. Wish you could stay, though. We were going to do another round of the Viking disco inferno."

"I am not in the mood anymore, Rosie. Not now that the ex-Sex God has wondered in, while the lurrrrve God was professing his love!"

"Ah." Rosie said, "But the Viking disco inferno would cheer you up. You cannot miss the call of the horn."

I rolled my eyes and yanked my bison horns roughly out my hair.

"Oooooohhhhh." RoRo mocked, before kissing me on the cheek (oo-er, is she on the turn?) and sauntering out the room.

I scrubbed my face again, and crept out the bathroom.

Luckily I'd managed to sneak out of the club, without anyone seeing. Cue James Bond music! (Maybe if my career as a backing-dancer doesn't work out, I could become a spy? I do look pretty good in black) Then I wandered home, my head full of confusinosity.

**End Flashback – in my head - **

"Georgia...?"

"Oh, sorry. What did you say?"

"What happened the other night?"

Ah, the other night, the dark, strange night of mysteriousity and CONFUSINOSITY!!...

Wait, haven't I been through that already?

Yep.

"I really had to go." I said weakly.

"Oh, that is, how you say… A sham, _caro_, we did not finish our talk."

"No, we, erm, didn't."

"Shall we finish it now?"

"Well I have to go, again. Sorry, the bath is running and my Mutti is yelling at me."

"I do not hear anything."

"She is yelling in her head… sorry Masimo, I'm away laughing on a fast camel."

"Oh, okay. But will you come out with me on Friday? I can pick you up after school."

"Um, yes. I think so. Bye now."

I quickly shut the door, before he could say anything else.

**In my room**

**Later**

What in the world is going on?


	3. Ce qui?

**hey. this is an ok chap, i think. i am a dave fan forever so he now joins us. i love him!! DAVE 4 GEE. but who knows how the story will turn out ;)**

**Sunday July 18****th**

**On the bench of life**

**In the park**

**3.00 p.m**

So, I am back on the rack of lurrrrve. I must – once again – take a trip to the cake shop of aggers.

**10 seconds later**

But I can't really go over it now. I am stuck by the duck pond with my insane sister.

**2 minutes later**

Wow… I've never heard a duck make that noise. Ho hum pig's bum. At least that duck does not have MY problems.

**20 seconds later**

Well… he probably doesn't. Unless he is caught between two rival female ducks.

**5 seconds later**

Or, maybe the duck IS female. How do you tell?

**10 seconds later**

Uh-oh… looks like Libby is trying to find out…

**3.30 p.m**

I've managed to drag Libby – hissing and spitting – away from the poor duck. It is probably scarred for life, whatever gender it is.

**12 seconds later**

Unless it enjoyed it. Perhaps it is a lezzie duck, with a crush on my sister. Or it is a male duck, and prefers insane human toddlers to other pond creatures.

**5 seconds later**

That's a bit pervy. Libby is very young.

**Home**

**In my room**

**3.4****0 p.m**

Mutti came and sat on my bed. Her nungas are barely concealed in a LEATHER top. She looks like a prozzie who rides motorbikes.

I said, "Mutti, what on earth are you wearing?"

"My new top. I bought it at one of those hip places you like."

Hip? Nobody says 'hip' anymore. I thought about telling her this, but she just continued burbling about how she 'was in the prime of life' and had 'a great figure'. I tuned out until she said:

"A boy came over to see you."

I sat bolt upright.

"What boy?"

"He didn't give a name. He was very dishy though, hun."

_Dishy?! _

"When was this?"

"About ten minutes ago. You were still in the park."

"And you were still wearing that… top?"

"Yep. He seemed to appreciate it."

And she walked out before I could say anything else!

**3.45 p.m**

I can't believe one of my wood-be boyfriends saw my mother's nunga-nungas! She has no pridenosity, and now they will probably never return. (the boy, not the nungas)

**2 minutes later**

Well, maybe that would solve my problem.

**3.50 p.m**

Phoned Jas.

"Jas?"

"What?"

"What are you 'what-ing' about?"

"I'm just saying 'what'"

"Well can you stop?"

Silence.

"Jas? What are you doing?"

"I'm not saying 'what'"

Argh! She is so infuriating. I put the phone down on her.

**3.52 p.m**

That showed her.

**3.53 p.m**

Phoned Jas.

"Jas?"

"Ce qui?"

"What?"

"Yes."

"What does Ce qui mean?"

"What."

"I said, what does ce qui mean?!"

"WHAT!!"

"Huh?"

"Ce qui means WHAT in French."

"Oh."

"So CE QUI do you want, Georgia?"

"Well I wanted to tell you about my aggers situation. But forget it now."

"Fine."

Silence.

"Jas?"

"Ce qui?"

"Do you want to hear about my situation?"

"All right then, ce qui-ever."

"Well you can't!"

And I slammed the phone down again.

**3.55 p.m**

Hahahahahahahahaha! I am sooooo funny.

**20 seconds later**

Phoned Rosie

"Allo?"

"RoRo? _C'est_ Gee."

"Ah… _bonjour_ _mon petite_ pally… have you been heeding the call of the HORNNNNN today?"

"_Ah_, _non_. I am in _le _situation _drastique._ I need your wisdomosity."

"Oh… wait, I shall get out my beard."

"Rosie, you do not need the beard. We are on the phone."

"It feels nice."

Silence, and a bit of rustling.

"Have you got it on now?"

"Oui. Now tell Madame Rosieeeee your troubles."

"I am once again in the cake shop of aggers, as you know."

"Ja."

"When did you switch to German?"

"I am embracing my inner Herr Kaymer."

Good grief.

"And now it is worse."

"Worse?"

"Yep."

"Ooooooh."

"One of the potential BFs came round earlier, and saw my mother in a prozzie top."

"_Non_!"

"_Mais oui!_"

"Ooooooh."

"What are you 'oooooh'ing about?"

"I am being sympathetic."

"Well it is not helpful."

"Have no fear, mon cupcake. Madame Rose has a solution."

"What?"

"Blind him."

**5.00 p.m**

**In Boots with the gang**

Trying on make up testers.

I don't know why I am bothering since I have no money, and no boyfriend to impress.

Jas is ignorez-vousing me. I tried to link arms with her, but she sped up and nearly crashed into a lamp post. Then she glared at me when I fell about laughing.

"My dear Jazzy Spazzy, you know how I lurrrrrrve you!" I called.

The ungrateful nitwit just rolled her eyes and stormed off. C'est la vie.

**5.10 p.m**

I am a goosegog.

We just bumped into the guys outside Boots. Jools is cosying up to Rollo, Mabs is giggling stupidly at everything Ed says, Ellen is stuttering at Dec and Jas is chatting to Tom about voles. Sven has dragged Rosie back into Boots, and she is putting blusher on his cheeks. He is enjoying it… weirdo.

I am all aloney, on my owney.

Lurrrrve hurts.

**5 minutes later**

Dave has appeared, shouting.

"Hallooooooo laydeeez!! The Vati is here!"

He has the nerve to come and fling is arms around my waist!

Cheeky Cat.

I shoved away from him, and said, in what I think is a dignified voice, "David, please do not maul me."

"Ah. You know you love it, KittyKat. You embrace the horn."

He is calling me a minx! A prozzie!

"I do NOT!"

Everyone laughed as I shoved him into a hedge, and stormed away.

"Gee! Come back!" He called. "You know you lurrrrrve me really!"

I felt a strange flutter in my chest at that. Which was very weird.

But I kept walking.

**8.30 p.m**

**Home**

**In my room**

In my bed of confusinosity and pain, contemplating my horrible life.

I live with a clown-car-driving-badger-chinned-fatty-vati, a copycat-pervert-prozzie-mutti and a crazy-animal-molestor-type-toddler. Who are all insane and belong in looney bins.

Perhaps I should join them. Heed the call of the Nicolson genes.

**2 minutes later**

It would probably be easier.

**9.15 p.m**

There's a strange pattering sound against my window. Is it raining?

**2 minutes later**

Gah. It is still there, interrupting my deep thought.

**30 seconds later**

**At my window.**

It's Dave the Laugh! What's he doing here? He is standing on the street, staring up at me.

He is holding a handful of rocks.

What the hell? When did this become a rom-com?

**2 seconds later**

Well, it's always a 'com' with Dave's antics. But there is no 'rom' in it, 'cos I do not 'rom' him and he does not 'rom' me.

**1 second later**

I'd better go downstairs and see what he wants. He is my mate, after all.

**Review please.**


	4. Sitting in a tree

**Hey. Very late but I worked vair hard for you, my chums!! I listened to "halleluiah" from the shrek soundtrack as I wrote this. For any people who believe this IS a romcom moment, you listen too! Merci et CIAO!! XOXOXO **

**In bed**

**9.25 p.m**

What a strange set of occurrences.

**2 seconds later**

Where have I heard that phrase before?

**1 minute later**

Gah. Can't remember.

**30 seconds later**

What is up with the hornmeister?

I was all tucked up snugly in my bed of pain, thinking about my planned trip to the cake shop of aggers, when there was a strange noise.

It turned out to be Dave the L-LL (laugh-loon on loon tablets) chucking little pebbles at my window. It wasn't even ten yet, and he was acting like he was Rom and I was Jule. The idiot!

Purely to stop my Vati from yelling about shatter proof windows, I went downstairs to shut him up.

"Gee?" He whispered.

"Dave?" I said in my normal voice, "Why are you behaving like we are in some crappy rom-com?"

"I am not."

"Yes you are! So stop right now. I do not rom you, and you do not rom me."

"Ahhh…but how do you know that is the case?"

I had no words for this, so I shoved him.

"Why do you keep shoving me, KittyKat?"

"Because you are a tart and a fool. Goodnight."

And I turned and flounced back into the house, slamming the door.

**30 seconds later**

Now I wish I hadn't. I might have upset him. What if he is now lying in a ditch somewhere?

**1 second later**

No.. he wouldn't be lying in a ditch over me. Maybe over Emma, his girlfriend who is too nice for her own good.

**2 seconds later**

Ho hum pig's bum. I shall probably see him tomorrow.

**9.30 p.m**

**At my window**

Gadzooks!

I was just looking out the window - purely to make sure that Angus was not eating the fence again - when I got the shock of my life!

Dave is sitting in a tree!

That's right, a TREE!

He is not a monkey…

**1 second later**

'Sides, you don't usually get monkeys up trees near my house. I don't look like a banana.

What interest would a monkey have in the tree outside my window??

**5 seconds later**

**Looking at him like a looking thing**

He hasn't seen me looking yet; he is too busy trying to keep his balance…

**Opening my window**

I'd better let him in… he doesn't look very stable.

"Dave!"

"H-hii Gee!"

"Dave, why are you sitting in a tree?"

"Pah! I am not! I am communing with the spirit of PANTS and so on… I am heeding the call of the Scottish highlands!"

What in big G's name is he on about?

"What in big G's name are you on about?"

"I have forgotten."

"Right, well I shall leave you to it."

"Noooo! Gee I have a confession to make!"

"And what is that Mr Laugh?"

"I-I…"

What's he going to say? For some reason my heart is hammering and I feel all jelloid…

"What?"

"I-I… I am not too comfy in this tree. To be honest I am a little scardey."

"Hahahahahahaha!!"

I am laughing like a loon on loon tablets, yet I have a funny feeling of disappointment. I don't know why.

"It's not funny! I'm not _tres_ good with heights!"

"Then why did you climb up there?"

"It was a moment of insanity. I'm sure you're familiar with them yourself."

"Well just climb down again and go home."

"Can't I climb into your room? I feel too scardey to go all the way back down."

Dave the L in my room. Oo-er. Not sure Vati would be too pleased…

"Absolutely not, Mr Laugh! You are too rudey-dudey."

"But we are mates! Mates go into each other's rooms!"

Gahh. That word again.

"I do not wish to be your MATE anymore. You called me a prozzie today, if you remember."

"Aw, KittyKat. You know I didn't mean it. That was a different moment of insanity! I think they are my speciality. Do you think I could do them for GCSE?"

"So you're sorry?"

"_Oui._"

"Really, really sorry?"

"_Oui Oui_."

"Hmmm… then I suppose I could offer you a compromise."

"And what would that be?"

"I will come and sit with you in the tree. Then you will not be so scardey. Even though you are vair silly."

"Oooh. Yes please, KittyKat. But hurry, I feel my balance slipping…"

**Preparing Operation Sit-in-Tree**

**9.40 p.m**

Hmmm… I have grabbed Libby's crappy Barbie torch, so I do not break my neck. And I can see Dave's face.

**2 minutes later**

Thrown on my coat over jim-jams. It will be dark, so no need to dress up.

**2 seconds later**

I wouldn't dress up for a MATE anyway.

**Creeping downstairs**

Don't want the elderly loons thinking I am bonkers, going outside in wellies and jimjams.

**5 seconds later**

But I guess they live with my sister, so they are used to bonkers antics.

**2 seconds later**

Still, they might not approve of my plan to sit in a tree with Dave the L.

**5 seconds later**

I can hear my parents giggling in the sitting room… erlack. How old do they think they are?

That is the sadnosity of their lives.

**Outside my house**

"Dave?"

"Helloooo! You are whispering now!"

.. I am…

NO!!

ROM-COM MOMENT!!

"SORRY!"

"No need to shout! Get up here!"

I have climbed this tree a thousand times – mostly to grab Angus or Libby from the branches – over the years. So it will be no problem getting up there again.

**7 minutes later**

**Wedged in the tree**

Owwwwww!!

I've got a branch stuck up my bum-oley!! The pain is immense! And Dave is sitting at the top, laughing his head off.

**3 minutes later**

**At the top, finally!  
**

Nestled on a sturdy branch with Dave. Am shocked to find that I did not put any makeup on…

I guess Dave makes me comfortable.

Plus, it's dark.

**2 minutes later**

"It's nice up here, isn't it KittyKat?"

"Yep."

And it is. There is a full moon, and a light breeze…. As cheesy and rom-com-y that sounds.

It really does sound like a rom-com scene. Oo-er.

"Are you still scared, Dave?"

"Not really. You might need to hold my hand, though."

He's taken my hand, and it feels… nice.

**1 minute later**

He has an arm slung over my shoulders now too. And I am leaning my head on his shoulder… like my neck can't hold it up properly.

**2 minutes**

It is silent.

**5 seconds later**

The Blunder Boys are zooming down the street on some of those lame mini-motors. Mark Big Gob really is grotesque looking. Way to ruin a perfect moment.

**3 seconds later**

Wait, this moment is not perfect. Why would sitting in a tree be perfect? Especially with a MATE.

**3 minutes later**

"Oh, KittyKat. Do you think that-" Dave says.

Think that what? Think that what? Finish your darn sentences mister!!

But no… he's silent again.

**2 minutes later**

Dave has cupped my face and is looking into my eyes in a vair serious and un-Laughish way. Oh PANTS. He's not gonna be Mr Moody again, is he?

**5 seconds later**

He has angled my face towards his and is bringing his lips down towards mine…

I can't do this.

"Dave! Stop… we can't."

**10 minutes later**

**In my bed again**

Why is life so unfair?

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	5. Plans for Friday

_**Bonjour ma petite pallies! Ca va? Yeshh I know I have been away forever, but my computer broke and I only just managed to get stationary again. If you like the chapter, please review it! I'll owe you!! Next update will be faster!! Lyy xx**_

**Monday July 19th**

**Walking to school with Jazzy Spazzy**

Jas is being vair irritating. Every time I try to express my inner pain and angst, she starts to sing very loudly. It is beginning to attract attention.

"Jas, what are you doing?"

"Practising! OOOohh.. Hit me baby one more time!!"

I put my hands over my ears and I can still hear her belting out Britney. She must stop. It sounds like the time I shut Gordy in the toaster.

"Jas! Stop it! What are you practising for?"

She huffs, and stops to munch on a midget gem. She is bright red in the face. Tee hee. Like a traffic light.

"The talent show, of course! Do you never listen in assembly? Slim was vair excited about it."

"Obviously I never listen in assemblies, Jazzy, they are the epitome of _crapola. _But what talent show? When is it?"

"Friday. I'm gonna sing Britney, that'll really impress Tom."

"The hell you are, we're all gonna enter to do the HORRNNNN dance."

"Noooo, Gee. That's so embarrassing. Everyone will laugh at us."

"No offence, Jas, but your Britney impression is... erm,"

THINK FAST!

"...too... interesting. You're so good you'll make everyone jealous and unhappy. Do you want that Jas? I thought you were a nice person."

"I - I am."

"Hmph."

Phewww... there is no way I am letting her sing that song. Or sing _anything_ for that matter. She is tres awful and I don't want her to be upset. Plus I don't think my eardrums could take it.

We are at the gates now, and Hawkeye is glaring at me. Eyeing my skirt. She _must_ be a lezzy, there is simply no other explanation. Meh.

**Break**

Rosie is babbling on like a loon on loon tablets. And nobody is interested in my trip to the cake shop of aggers.

That is the sadnosity of my so-called life. Even my bezzie mates don't notice my inner torment. I shall probably become a tortured artist, and cut off my ear... who did that? Was it Britney?

"We have to work on the dance. Go shopping for some new bison horns-"

I tune out. I have no appetite for fun. This morning it seemed more appealing, but now I am sunk into the depths of depression... oh Robbie... how could you leave me? Thanks to you I shall probably never regain my sunny outlook.

"Gee, want a jammy dodger?"

Yummmm!

**After school**

**Signing up for the talent show**

We just checked out the sign-up list. Heh, the titches are doing a rap!! One of them just came up to me:

"Hi, miss. Are you in the talent show?? Oooh it will definitely be good if you're in it. It would be, erm,.. _vair_ awesome. Erm, we are doing a rap.. ur, but we can't think of a name for ourselves."

They are like mini-Ellens!

Rossiee heard them and looked around her compact mirror, where she was applying her "going home" facial hair.

"How about "the titches"?"

"Great idea, Miss!"

They went to scamper off, muttering to each other.

"That will definitely impress Dave."

"Dave?" I looked round at the gang. "No one said Dave was coming."

"Well, duhh!" Said Mabs, "People from the boys school are in it too!"

"Did you really expect Dave to miss an opportunity like this?" Rosie giggled.

Jas glanced at me significantly as she fiddled with her fringe.

**Tuesday 21****st**** July**

**Rehearsals for dance extravaganza**

I am all hoorrnned out. We're all covered in sweat, 'cos Rosie is making us wear full body armour and facial fur. It feels like Angus is sitting on my face.

"Ro-Ro! Pleeeease can we stop now?" I begged on many occasions, but at any sign of weakness she cries "HOOORRNNN!" and we have to start all over again. Its like a bizarre game of Jenga. Only with more body armour and hair. Me and Jas are having a whispered conversation over the loud music.

"Lunge to the left!" Rosie screams.

We lunge to the left.

"H- How's the R-Robbie situta-a-tion?" Jas manages to gasp out.

"RIGHT!"

We lung to the right.

"No-not great!"

"SHIMMY!"

We shimmy to the ground.

"HOOOORNN!"

We hooooornnnn!

"I-keep-trying-to-talk-to-you-about-it-buhh-you-keep-singing." Gasp. "Idiot."

"LEFT!"

"I- am-NOT-an-idiot."

"Says-the-girl-in-bison-horns!"

"This-was-YOUR-idea!"

"Gee! Jas! Pay attention! SHIMMY!"

It goes on.

**8:15 p.m**

**In Bed**

Having an early night. My bones are aching and I'm boiling hot even though I just had a freezing shower. I am NOT climbing up any trees tonight. Too tired.

**5 mins later**

I'd just drifted off when Mutti burst into the room, shaking me out of my doze in bobo-land.

"Gee, phone!"

"Nghhhhhh.."

"Its a boy.." She stage whispered.

I sat bolt upright and snatched it from her hand. Then I turned away and motioned her out of the room.

"Hello?" I said groggily

"Georgia?"

"Dave?"

"Erm, no. Its Robbie."

Eep! Major mistake.

"Sorry, Robbie. I only just woke up."

"Its okay. I just wanted to see how you are. The last time I saw you was... weird."

I sighed and snuggled back down.

"I know. I was just a bit mental. Y'know, what with you being... wombats..."

He laughed and it tickled my ear.

"I see you're just as random as ever."

"Yep." It was best to stick to single syllables.

"I was just wondering if we could meet up sometime? Catch up or something."

"Erm, OK."

"Friday?"

I dimly thought something was happening that day... but couldn't quite remember what it was. I was too intoxicated by his voice. And I was tired.

"Yeah. Friday. Cool."

"I'll come get you after school."

"Sure."

"Cool."

"Bye."

"And Georgia?"

"Yes?"

"I missed you."

He hung up.

I'm not even going to bother trying to work anything out now.

Sleeepp....

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	6. XXXXXX

**Hey Guys. This is dedicated to EdwardnDTL4eva411**** - so sorry you have appendicitis. My bro had it and it is not nice. I hope this cheers you up a bit sweets! x**

**XXXXXX**

**Wednesday 22nd July**

**On the way to school**

Meh. All aloney today 'cos Jas is in a huffty with me. I didn't even do anything... much. I only mentioned that her Britney number wasn't as wonderful as she thought. Yea, I wasn't gonna tell her but I changed my mind when refused to give me a midget gem. Fair play, right? Alls fair in lurrrrve and war etcetra.

**Break**

I totally regret suggesting we do the viking disco inferno for the talent show. Rosie is a slave master, like in egyptian times. She even wears eyeliner like those folks. And t'day she was walking sideways 'cos she wanted to make her nungas stick out.

I wish I could just go home to my bed of pain and sleep for a thousand years. Like that bint in the fairytale Libby likes – she says the princess is her "gurl-'fwen" cos she has lezzy tendencies – and I could have a handsome prince come wake me up. But when he did I'd probs just roll over and say "Nghhhhh.."

Or he'd scream and shout, "I can't marry you! Your nose looks like a turnip!"

That is the sadnosity of my pathetic life.

**3 minutes later**

I wonder what the prince would look like...

**3 seconds later**

He'd have to have Masimo's sexy eyes...

**3 seconds later**

And Robbie's pouty lips... mmmm...

**1 second later**

And Dave's cheeky smile...

Wait.. WHAT? WHATTY WHAT WHAT ?

How did Dave get in there? He is NOT one of my lurrrvess...

He is a mate. In a matey-mate type way. STRICTLY a matey-mate type way.

**2 minutes later**

I shall scribble that part out.

**5 seconds later**

Then again, maybe I won't. It feels like cheating.

**1 second later**

Not cheating on DAVE, obviously. Because we are NOT a thing. I mean a thingy-thing. A datey type couply type thing.

I mean cheating on my _diary_. You're sposed to write EVERY DAY. And be properly faithful and all that fandango.

Gahhhhh...

**3.30 outside Stalag 14**

Have run away from Rosie and the rest of the Ace Gang. They have booked the school stage for rehearsal. I have hurried outside on the pretext of getting some water. I forgot my waterproof – A.K.A sweat proof – mascara today and I am not risking ruining my natural beauty, plus I just don't feel like exercise right now. Something is nagging at me, but I dunno what it is. I feel like Gordy when he fell off the wardrobe and out a window. Hmmm...

Jas is still in a huff with me. I have pleaded and begged and even offered jammy dodgers(!!) but she will not be moved. I mean, Ellen even said her voice was "not vair tuneful" and she isn't getting ignorez-voused. Life is so unfair. So is Jazzy S. I can feel my phone vibrating madly in my pocket but I cannot be bothered with answering the gang.

I think I might just slip off home. Its not like things could get any worse...

**20 minutes later**

They just did.

I was walking home to my house of hearbreak, hunching my shoulders and sighing as I writhed in the torment of my intense pain, when Dave the Laugh jumped out of nowhere.

I jumped like a jumping thing.

"Dave, wha-?"

Before I could say anything else, he grabbed my face and pulled my mouth to his.

Yes, I know I am a huge ho but I couldn't help it. His lips are truly magical. I knotted my hands in his hair and let him put his tongue in my mouth. Number 6! And it didn't feel icky... it felt... nice.

As we kissed, he backed me up against the wall and I wrapped an arm around his waist. I couldn't think but I didn't care.

When we finally broke apart to breathe, I was red and gasping like a goldfish with an elastic band around my neck and wrists.

"And what did you think of that, my KittyKat?" His face was inches from mine, where my back still rested against the wall.

"Erm, nghhh..."

"I take that you enjoyed it as much as I did."

I tried to move, shifting my head from side to side, still reeling from the power of his fandabydozy lips.

He flung his hands up against the wall, one on either side of my head. I looked down, trying not to look him in the eyes

"Look at me, Gee."

I looked at him, because I was feeling so jelloid I couldn't resist seeing what he was thinking. Or seeing or something... I don't know. I just did.

He wiped a hand softly across my lower lip.

"You know what you have to do."

"What?"

"Snog me, KittyKat."

"I... I... I can't. I have to.. to.."

Taking advantage of his disengaged hand, I ducked out from under his arm and hurried off. I couldn't resist taking a peek back as I rounded the corner.

"This is your last chance, Georgia, I won't ask you again." His eyes were sad, and his yummy scrumboes-y lips set in a hard line.

I stopped for a second, half stumbling back towards him, but then righted myself and scampered off as fast as humanly possible.

**In bed**

I think I am becoming a vegetable.

I seem to spend half my life in my bed of pain at Heartbroken Headquarters..

Sigh...

I think I shall phone Jas. She should be home from slavey-rehearsal by now

**On the phone to Jas**

"Jas?"

"Who is this?"

"Oh, come on, Jazzy. You know who it is."

"I'm afraid I do not. Who is it?"

"YOU KNOW WHO IT IS."

"Excuse me?"

"Its Georgia, Jas. You know that."

"Georgia? I don't know anyone by that name. You've got the wrong number."

Jas sounded cold and very un-Jas like.

"Please, Jas. I need to talk to you."

Silence.

And for some reason I started to cry. That's right, ON THE PHONE. I was getting snot everywhere and weeping like a weeping-thing in weeping land on weeping day.

"Georgia? Look, I'm sorry. What is it? What's wrong?" Jas was talking to me now. Sounding worried.

I tried to answer her but my throat was hurting and I couldn't stop crying.

"I'm coming round."

She hung up.

**8 pm**

Jas just left. She came round all sweaty, armed with jammy dodgers. She said she hadn't had a chance to take a shower after dancing. Normally I would have called her Smelly Face but I just didn't have it in me. We lay down on my bed and I told her everything. About Robbie and Masimo and Dave. EVERYTHING.

She sat there for a few seconds, looking like an agog owly thing with a silly fringe.

"Well, its obvious."

"What is?"

"You lurrrrve Dave."

WHATTT? I nearly fell off the bed, and spilled Jammy crums all over my duvet.

"You need your head checked, Spazzy. I do NOT lurrrve Dave. He is a tart and a fool and

an idiot who is vair immature and tres stupid."

Jas just stared at me, doing that scary thing she does when she's right. 'Cept she wasn't right this time. Definitely not.

"Then why do you keep snogging him? And sitting with him in trees?"

"That was just one time.. he got scared... it was dark."

"Yeah, right. Dave was in the scouts. He won an award for Best Tree Climber. Do you really think he needed to watch you get a stick up your bum-oley?"

"I – I.."

"No, he did not. He lurrrrrves you and you have probably now missed your last chance with him."

"Well good. 'Cos I do not lurrrve him. THIS IS NOT A ROM-COM."

"Gahh. Whatever, Gee. You will realize it soon enough. You'll see on Friday."

"Friday? What's happening Friday?"

"The talent show, dummy. Why do you think I'm all sweaty? Rose is in a mega-hump with you by the way, you shouldn't have run off like that."

"Shullup, Spazzy. I wasn't in the mood."

Jas then proceeded with a long lecture on commitment and dedication. I tuned out and checked the messages on my phone.

_Where are u, u muppet. Rose is mega pissed u knw. Get bk ere. Mabs xx_

_Erm, Gee? Um Rosie says you need to come back now. Erm Ellen xoxo_

_GOTT IN HIMMEL. Georgia you CHAVAL et CHIEN, come and commune with the HOOOORNNN you piece of krappe!! Rosiee. No xxs for you cos you are not worthy. HOOOORNN_

_Gee, HURRY UP. How long does it take to get water for baby jesus' sake?? Jooooolssss x_

Good grief. I scrolled down the list, to texts I'd got earlier in the day.

ROSIE

ROSIE

MABS

JOOLS

ROSIE

MABS

ELLEN

JOOLS

ROSIE

ROSIE

ROBBIE

JOOLS

MABS

ELLEN

MABS

MASIMO

Whhhtattt??

Robbie?

_Hey, Georgia. I just wanted to say hey, you know? Haven't spoken in a while. I miss your crazy ramblings. I'm doing a set with the Stiff Ds as a guest at the talent show on Friday, so instead of picking you up at your house I'll meet you there. If that's cool with you? Text back. Love Robbie xx_

Masimo?

_Ciao, Bella. I have not.. how you say? Herd from you in a longest time. Are you, hokay? I shall be seeing you at the talent show on Friday. Because we are doing a set. Blessima mi amore, Mas xxxxxx_

.God.

I jumped again, this time sending the whole plate of Jammy Dodger crums into Jas' lap. She squealed and started dancing around like a mad thing. She tossed her head at me and rolled her eyes inm a vair dramatic and unnecessary way.

"Gott in Himmell, Jas." I cried. "ALL of my beaus are going to be at the talent show on Friday! I shall have to make a decision. Masimo or Robbie?"

"Or Dave."

"HE has nothing to do with it, ma petite pal. He has been struck from the list. In fact, he was never ON the list. In fact, he was-"

Jas huffed loudly.

**Midnight**

I keep reading the two texts over and over again. Its like there's something missing. SOMEONE missing. Someone I haven't heard from, who I WANTED to hear from.

Who could that be?

Meh, my brain is tired. I must sleepy pie now.

Zzzzzz....

**Don't ya just love it? xx**


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